The problem with being a trans woman who wants to become nothing is that ‘nothing’ is an old trope for ‘vagina’, so I guess I’m shit out of luck.
If engendering is becoming, I choose to engender ghosthood and revolt against personhood. Personhood requires tired tropes like ‘being present in situations’ and ‘social awareness’. Can I please, please, please become nothing already?
me vs. ghosts:
feels like ‘what even is a body’; same.
on a good day, scares people. on a bad day, is merely amusing, like a parlor trick, or a cheesy costume; same.
If I could pick another body to haunt, I wouldn’t, because who cares, I’m a ghost. Boo.
I feel most of the time like I am haunting my own body
(It isn’t mine, I just happen to inhabit it at this point in time)
bodies are staggering and strange and I wish I didn’t have one
gender identity: dybbuk
My mental mapping of my body changes every fifteen seconds or so
if I’m thinking about sex, every five
Frankenstein’s creature is the coolest
I sent an email coming out to a lot of my cousins / aunts / uncles who i have never really been that close with or seen outside of a few holidays a year growing up & haven’t seen or talked to in, like, three years?
1. it’s weird sending a coming out letter two years after you started hrt. mine was super super super short and to the point. It was less than three tweets long. Just basically: I’m transgender; I’m a woman; please use name x and pronouns y; let me know if you have any questions.
2. given the lack of relationship i have had with these people i am surprised at how distracted and one-track-mind I am about it. all i can think about is how people will react and respond. I wish I could think about anything else, but I can’t. I hate this feeling.